📦 Dead WeightAct this week
€12,430
of stock hasn't sold in 60 days
A department has been set up to look into the unsold stock. It is also unsold.
🔧 The fix: Stop reordering these items. Then run a proper clearance.
A Shopify app
Your store data, roasted with love.
Stupidify reads your real orders, products and inventory, finds what's not working and tells you. With a joke, a number and a fix.
- Every joke is backed by a real number
- One concrete fix per problem
- No customer names, emails or addresses. Ever.
51Chaos Score
Gloriously chaotic
Gloriously chaotic
Real numbers. Real jokes. Real fixes.
💸 Discount AddictNeeds attention
42%
of orders used a discount
Who pays full price anymore? Not your customers. Apparently that's settled.
🔧 The fix: Stop codes from stacking. One discount per order is plenty.
⛽ Running on EmptyWorth a look
8 days
until your best seller runs out
This season, one best seller races the calendar. The calendar is winning.
🔧 The fix: Reorder this week. It's quicker than explaining an empty shelf.
Eight things we check
You see the five that matter most. Worst first.
Dead Weight
Stock that hasn't sold in 60 days, and what it's worth.
One-Trick Pony
How much of your revenue rides on three products.
Running on Empty
Best sellers about to run out, in days.
Discount Addict
How often orders need a discount, and how deep.
Refund Machine
Sales that come back, and the products that bounce.
Sales Slump
This month against the last one.
Ghost Listings
Products with no photo or barely a description.
Flying Blind
Sales with no cost per item, so no known margin.
Pick your tone
Deadpan 🫖
Observational. Dry.
“Stock levels remain stable. Remarkably, perfectly, suspiciously stable.”
Epic 🎬
A spoof movie trailer.
“They waited. €12,430 of stock, waiting for a hero. The hero's agent never called back.”
Absurd 🦜
Committees and small flags.
“Your unsold stock has started a small village. It has a mayor now. It wants a flag.”
Boring mode, for the boss
The same findings as a sober memo: priorities, key figures, money at stake and plain actions. One click copies it into an email.
“No jokes were made in the preparation of this report. One was attempted. It has been disciplined.”
One plan. No surprises.
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